Discussion Making Friends When You’re Old

[JuliusSqueezer]

Background:
I grew up in a smaller town. This small town had a hangout spot. It was free to go to and kids from all walks of life would show up to hangout, play video games, cook in the kitchen, learn a musical instrument, skate in the skatepark you name it, this place had it. 12 to 19? Come on in! Outside of school, this place was the easiest way to make friends with anyone that would show up.

I’m 30 now, have been going my own way for years and have been away from that town and everyone I grew up with for quite some time.

The city I now live in has a place for the elderly to hangout at that’s similar for old people but, sweet fuck all for anyone of working age to do other than drink at pubs, and, despite having over 100k in population, no one is there anyway. Friday/Saturday nights are absolutely dead and last call is 11pm (why?).

I’m at a point in my life where I’ve been doing my own thing, alone, for the more than a decade and I’m sick of it.

How on earth is anyone supposed to make genuine friends from 18 to 65 if he’s not interested in pubs, gyms or nerdy* nonsense?

*no offense, just not my thing

 

[Jack Layton]

Sell drugs, everyone loves their dealer.

 

[Rusty Canuckleford]

Psst, hey… wanna buy some death sticks?

 

[Thinker]

Anyone between 18 to late 30s are in taverns that are digital now. They are private chat rooms for people shit posting or discussing random topics typically with close friends. These drives marketers nuts as they unable to advertise to them.

Sign up for various fitness apps where people meet up(these are new dating apps).

It is literally people signing up for apps then meeting each other in real life. Eventually escalating to private or semi-public chatrooms.

Anyone 40+ typically involved in various clubs or volunteer for non-profits. Think amateur radio or woodworking clubs. This has tendency to filter retards as their usually a skill or time commitment requirement.

 

[Rusty Canuckleford]

Social media apps have literally destroyed society.
But I guess meetup.com is also good for doing stuff in real life. @JuliusSqueezer

 

[ovarieasy]

Form a posse to get rid of the jeets and joggers. People will start going out more once the reason they stay home is gone.

 

[Nink]

Genuine friends are hard to come by and may only come by so often in a lifetime. You got to meet people where they are. Put yourself outside your comfort zone; Try something new. Easy come, easy go.

 

[Beers2Freedom]

not interested in pubs, gyms or nerdy* nonsense?

That narrows the field pretty good. There's a ton of "nerdy nonsense", so many genres.

Pubs host live music, comedy, trivia, karaoke, not into that?

What do you consider gyms? Weights and cardio? They also cover a lot, rock climbing, swimming, gymnastics, yoga, dancing, martial arts, boxing.

Sports are an easy way to meet people, join a singles team. Simple as that. You don't have to be athletic, but it helps. Whatever you choose, put some time in practicing. Your team mates will appreciate it.

There's always motorcycle or car meets. They are everywhere.

We usually spend our free time at the beach, on or in the lake at this time of year.

 

[H!llb!lly]

Join an archery club. I guess depending how you go about it, it could be nerdy nonsense. But in general, archery is a great community, whether it's in paper target competition community or the hunting/3d target people it's full of good people of all ages. Generally pretty based as well...

Aside from that, archery is a good skill and has many therapeutic qualities, where the nonsense of this clown world just doesn't matter while you're shooting, whether it's stacking tight groups in the yellow or picking a hair over the boiler room of a nice buck, the rest of the world can just fade away.

While I'm kind of a antisocialite I've generally always found whatever sense of belonging or community needed in my niche or obscure interests.

 

[Hirudinea]

Have you ever heard of Kyudo? That looks interesting.

 

[CaptainTrouble]

You basically said: "how do I make friends if I'm not interested in going/doing anything other people do to try to make friends"... well, yeah, that's not going to work.

I'm nearly 40 and I've moved cities 9 different times in my life. I've made friends everywhere I've travelled to no matter my age. Some people call me a "social butterfly". The trick is to always put yourself out there in situations where you can meet people and never say no if you get invited out to something.

When I first move to a new city, I'm usually out minimum 3 times a week even if I'm sitting at a bar by myself. Most nights, you don't meet anyone but sometimes you do but you won't get those opportunities unless you try. You're better off playing D&D (nerdy stuff) with a group 1 night than you are to sit at home and shit post on here. You have to switch your mindset to "never sit at home and do nothing". ALWAYS BE OUT. Bars, clubs, casinos, strip clubs, restaurant lounges, sports, nerdy stuff, dates with women, work functions, whatever. Just get the fuck out of your house and be in situations where other people are then just talk to people. Eventually, you will make friends but it's not quick. It took me 6 months of going out minimum 3 times a week to anything going on in the city that had people to make my first friend in the last city I moved to. I've been living here over 2 years now and I have tons of friends now but it took A LOT of effort. Once you make a couple, it tends to be easier because then you meet friends of friends and you get some spinoff.

Never say no when you're invited out. I don't care how tired you are. If someone invites you somewhere, no matter how lame it sounds then you should go. That's pretty key to making friends.

 

[Beers2Freedom]

The trick is to always put yourself out there in situations where you can meet people and never say no if you get invited out to something.

This is the most important part. It's also the most difficult.

I rarely put myself out there and I've become a "No man". I turn down most opportunities. I'm an introvert, I really have to force it.

I went out to a pub recently, it turned out to be Karaoke night. It was fun, I didn't sing. Random dudes kept wanting to hang with me, one was a coke head, another was a paranoid pot head who called me a NARC. Haha, that kind of ruined it for me. Haven't gone back.

 

[CaptainTrouble]

I've had that happen before. I got invited to a party then some dude in the group has a paranoia freakout and insisted I was some undercover lol.

You can't let that stop you, it happens. That's just the drugs exemplifying his natural inclination to mistrust a stranger he knows nothing about. I'm sure he's better when he actually knows you. But also, it's probably a manifestation of how "square" you come off which is ironic because a real NARC/Undercover is going to probably be extremely social no one would envision him to be one.

 

[Hirudinea]

I've said it before and I'll say it again but karaoke is the greatest Japanese crime against humanity since the Rape of Nanking! Oh, and I feel ya, introvert too.

 

[Sgt. Goosenip]

I wish I had something useful for you. I’ve basically stopped trying, at least for now. There seem to be too few quality people where I live and I’m tired of being disappointed or betrayed. Maybe friends are like trying to find a girlfriend - focus on your immediate stuff, stop looking and hoping, and maybe it’ll come if it’s meant to.

 

[Trudeaus coke dealer]

Without being into physical activity I'm not sure what to tell you. Going to the gym to lift weights was never really my bag but I loved martial arts clubs. Plenty of jogging or even rowing groups depending on your location.

I mention martial arts clubs specifically because within 6 months of regular attendance you will find yourself belonging to a fairly large group that is relatively close knit.

 

[saymyname]

the only places i've managed to make genuine enough friends as an adult is either through work or volunteering. but i dont actually like most people enough to want to spend time with them outside of said activities. and i'm still not over the covid shit to go back to volunteering, because fuck these people.

so idk...go hang out at the grocery store and see if you can find a friend there? you still eat, right?

 

[Rusty Canuckleford]

Yeah, that’s my problem too. How do you make some friends when most people suck anyway? Am I just a cynic? In any case, I can’t “conversate” with people very well.

 

[saymyname]

i do find in my "conversating" that its only a matter of time before i start calling people retards and letting them know what i think about the government. weeds out the weak.

 

[ovarieasy]

@saymyname

Finding new friends speedrun:

View attachment can you believe.webm

 

[ChevChelios]

Same. I've always been an introvert by temperament, but I love good conversation and can be charming and witty enough in company as long as my social "battery" isn't depleted (as it usually is after a few hours). The thing is though that over the past few decades the culture has really changed: probably the great mass of humanity has always been kinda boring, but now there are also the two great scourges of technology and political fanaticism to keep people apart. It is undeniably easier, as well as a lot cheaper, to socialize online than in meatspace, and you don't run the risk of finding out that your new acquaintance is worlds apart from you ideologically -- which wasn't so important in the past, but definitely is today now that political differences have significant real-world consequences (as we saw during Covid).

On top of all that, as you get older your willingness to compromise for the sake of a friend and to forgive his shortcomings is greatly reduced, as is your patience of any of the bullshit you routinely encounter in social situations. Aging makes you a creature of habit, and after a long day interacting with people at work you can easily get into the pattern of just staying home and doing things quietly, especially if you have a wife and kids around to keep you from ever feeling too lonely. I'm not saying that any of this is necessarily healthy, but it is natural and inevitable over time.

 

[RightOfSask]

Church and/or fishing.

 

[brutana_dilewski]

I can't be myself around 95% of Canadians, most of them have the mind virus. If you can't be yourself, you can't be their friend.

I have old friends who I don't see much anymore, they are cool but live in other towns. Then there's the 'acquaintances', who I occasionally hang out with but with no expectations as some of them are normies.

I am lucky to have my wife, would rather spend my time with her than anyone else, and that's the truth - no simping.

 

[bobthefighter]

100% this. I have one friend locally, and even then he is not ready to take the J-Pill yet, but is pretty open minded to the rest of the bullshit since 2020.

My friends (good ones) we get together once or twice a year with the kids for BBQ and/or pot luck to catch up. We are all married, multiple kids, some with ex wives/husbands, different careers, so it is tough to get together.

Honestly, my wife is amazing and I would be happy to spend time with her and our kids an not have anyone else.

 

[RightOfSask]

Honestly, my wife is amazing and I would be happy to spend time with her and our kids an not have anyone else.

That's how it should be. If your wife isn't your best friend, you married the wrong person.

 

[HuntStevenson]

Background:
I grew up in a smaller town. This small town had a hangout spot. It was free to go to and kids from all walks of life would show up to hangout, play video games, cook in the kitchen, learn a musical instrument, skate in the skatepark you name it, this place had it. 12 to 19? Come on in! Outside of school, this place was the easiest way to make friends with anyone that would show up.

I’m 30 now, have been going my own way for years and have been away from that town and everyone I grew up with for quite some time.

The city I now live in has a place for the elderly to hangout at that’s similar for old people but, sweet fuck all for anyone of working age to do other than drink at pubs, and, despite having over 100k in population, no one is there anyway. Friday/Saturday nights are absolutely dead and last call is 11pm (why?).

I’m at a point in my life where I’ve been doing my own thing, alone, for the more than a decade and I’m sick of it.

How on earth is anyone supposed to make genuine friends from 18 to 65 if he’s not interested in pubs, gyms or nerdy* nonsense?

*no offense, just not my thing

JuliusSqueezer
I dont know, if you are interested in learning something like let's say some type of martial art or fixing cars or maybe joining a league for a sport you like, Once a week, you could meet some cool people that way I guess.

 

[Hirudinea]

Fucked if I know!.

 

[mrforeman]

We've got a beauty brewery here in Eagle that does theme weekends.

I understand what your saying, cant spend every weekend in your backyard staring at your shoes waiting for a possum who needs help.

I drive the boat on the road when the weathers nice and wave at every fren on the hwy.

Edit; sp

 

[BeaverTown]

Not a social butterfly at all, but I've managed to make tons of connections through rec sport leagues. Anything active - martial arts, sports, bouldering/rock climbing, etc will quickly lead to new connections if you're open. While most of these connections are superficial and fun, some of them do end up in a genuine friendship with someone who has shared values. God provides, you just have to be open and willing to meet new people and take a chance.

Nice thing is that you don't have to discuss politics or anything deep with these people if you don't want to, just shoot the breeze and enjoy the vibes while you play or train. It's a win-win

OR. You can go on a dating app, fill your profile with a bunch of stuff that you're interested in and hope to match with someone just for the sake of being friends. A buddy of mine did that - emphasized on their profile that they just wanted to learn about trucks, nothing more and somehow they matched with someone who was cool with showing them trucks lmao. Now they're good friends

 

[TheCanuck]

Background:
I grew up in a smaller town. This small town had a hangout spot. It was free to go to and kids from all walks of life would show up to hangout, play video games, cook in the kitchen, learn a musical instrument, skate in the skatepark you name it, this place had it. 12 to 19? Come on in! Outside of school, this place was the easiest way to make friends with anyone that would show up.

I’m 30 now, have been going my own way for years and have been away from that town and everyone I grew up with for quite some time.

The city I now live in has a place for the elderly to hangout at that’s similar for old people but, sweet fuck all for anyone of working age to do other than drink at pubs, and, despite having over 100k in population, no one is there anyway. Friday/Saturday nights are absolutely dead and last call is 11pm (why?).

I’m at a point in my life where I’ve been doing my own thing, alone, for the more than a decade and I’m sick of it.

How on earth is anyone supposed to make genuine friends from 18 to 65 if he’s not interested in pubs, gyms or nerdy* nonsense?

*no offense, just not my thing

JuliusSqueezerTip #1
If you're a social fucking retard, read Dale Carnegie's book:
How to win friends and influence people.

LPT: even if you're not a retard, it's a great book filled with social hacks to level up in life.


Tip #2
Practice what you read in everyday interactions (gas station cashier, work, neighbors, family) and notice what happens.

Tip #3
See Tip #1