Woke Bullsh*t Canadian Securities Administrators has indefinitely paused work on developing new mandatory climate disclosures and updating diversity reporting

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The Canadian Securities Administrators says it has indefinitely paused work on developing new mandatory climate disclosures and updating diversity reporting rules in response to recent developments in the United States.

Stan Magidson, chair of the CSA, says it made the decision to support companies because of the rapid shift in the global economic and geopolitical landscape.

He says the regulator will instead focus on making Canadian markets more competitive, efficient and resilient.
Big win, and how novel—focus on making Canadian markets more competitive, efficient and resilient.
 
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Big win, and how novel—focus on making Canadian markets more competitive, efficient and resilient.
border_humper
"making Canadian markets more competitive, efficient and resilient."

Well that would be nice but it ain't gonna put dicks on chicks.
 

Big win, and how novel—focus on making Canadian markets more competitive, efficient and resilient.
border_humperThis is actually much more significant than people realize.
 
At Freecanada Drilling Inc., we acknowledge the historical trauma inflicted by extractive systems within colonial-capitalist, cisheteropatriarchal, and anthropocentric paradigms. As such, we are committed to deconstructing the legacy of fossil imperialism through a radically inclusive, justice-forward, and post-extractive epistemology that centers eco-narrative truth-telling and holistic decarbonization through a gender-expansive lens. Our mission is no longer just to drill responsibly, but to feel deeply, unlearn violently, and heal intersectionally.

Our intersectional decarbonization framework places frontline identities—including two-spirit land knowledge holders, trans-affirmed methane shepherds, and eco-disabled wisdom-keepers—at the spiritual core of our operations. All resource extraction now undergoes a pre-consensual environmental chakra alignment, led by certified trauma-informed facilitators in collaboration with decolonial engineers and spirit-based land stewards. Each wellhead is blessed in a polycultural ceremony involving local healers, anti-oppression auditors, and climate empaths.

We have officially implemented our Trans-Energetic Realignment Protocol (TERP), which ensures that all oil patch workers—including trans individuals actively engaged in on-site dilation practices—are supported through self-affirming, womb-conscious wellness zones co-managed by Indigenous non-binary thought-leaders and permaculture midwives. These zones are fully equipped with hormone-neutral rigs, inclusive PPE, and emotional feedback loops certified by the Canadian Association of Renewable Feelings.

In accordance with the CSA’s material disclosure requirements, our Risk & Empathy Department has launched a Decolonized Climate Vulnerability Grid, mapping fossil-adjacent trauma onto a matrix of lived experience, ancestral grief, and post-binary carbon futures. Our quarterly investor reports now include an Indigenous land emotion index, a reparative emissions meter, and a neuroqueer impact spectrum derived from AI-generated feelingscapes.

Our board governance structure has undergone a transformational queering initiative, resulting in the elevation of post-cis fiduciary agents and intersectional energy mediators to the highest levels of influence. We are proud to report that 87% of board members now identify as demisexual-carbon-fluid, with an average empathy rating of 9.4 on the Emotional Inclusion Continuum. Decision-making is now conducted via decolonized consensus modeled after the mating calls of endangered frogs.

Freecanada has ceased participation in all extractive activities not accompanied by a Land Back equivalency pledge, wherein each barrel of oil is metaphysically counterbalanced by a community-led reparation dance, seed sovereignty ritual, or non-hierarchical storytelling circle. All pipelines are now rebranded as “fluid identity corridors” and include rest stops for emotional integration and reflection on fossil shame.

Our Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, Belonging, Justice, Healing, and Epistemic Unsettling department (DEIBJHEU) has successfully implemented 47 simultaneous initiatives, including: mandatory anti-geological bias training, non-binary sedimentary inclusion workshops, trans-borehole pronoun harmonization, and the recognition of gas clouds as sovereign sentient beings within our Ethical Emissions Doctrine (EED).

To further deepen our accountability, all employee bonuses are now tied to the Emotional Reparations Ledger, an HR tool that tracks microaggressions, unconscious drilling behavior, and latent extractive tendencies through an AI-powered empathy interface trained on archival zines and ancestral whisper data. Senior executives must recite a daily land acknowledgment poem in at least three colonially marginalized dialects while fasting from unconsensual combustion.

In our pursuit of true climate justice, Freecanada has committed to achieving Net-Feeling Zero™ by 2035, a milestone not measured in emissions but in reprocessed intergenerational trauma. We recognize that carbon is not just a molecule—it is a memory, a scar, a story. And we are here to honor it, hug it, deconstruct it, and, only with consent, refine it through equity-centered thermodynamic rituals.

Together, with our stakeholders, thought-partners, spirit allies, and CSA-regulated transdimensional advisors, we march forward—not toward profit, but toward planetary polyamory, petro-empathy, and a future where every drop of oil extracted is a love letter to the land, signed with accountability, sealed with reparations, and delivered through a pipeline of post-capitalist hope.
 
This is hysterical. Many of Canada’s problems as a post-nation state could be resolved by requiring c suite execs to daily recite land acknowledgement poems in multiple dialects.

Believe me, the CSA is gutted to shut these initiatives down. They had the nation’s most woke securities policy lawyers work these projects.
 
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