Midlife Crisis Tips?

C

CaptainTrouble

Well-Known Member
I think I've officially hit my midlife crisis. I'm turning 38 this year and although I'm basically midlife, I feel instead that my life is already over. The best way I can describe it is that I finished some arcade game hitting the "Game Over" screen and now I'm just controlling my character in the credits. I've accomplished everything I've wanted to already (that is possible within reason), I have a good job and live in a good location. I've traveled the world. I've done enough things and have had enough experience for a few lifetimes over already. I'm single, no kids and I don't have any reasonable expectation of acquiring either (nor do I want to for reasons). I'm now hit with almost crippling boredom every day and I hate when it gets too late such that I have to go to bed because then I know I have to do it all over again, which seems as if it's not doing anything for me. I do lots of things too but nothing I do excites me anymore. Everything I do just feels like I'm going through the motions to do it for the sake of doing it. I honestly don't even care about politics much anymore because it's too late. I could have benefited from changes 20 years ago but now, even if the ideal society was made tomorrow, I doubt my life would be much different anymore (though it might have been if changes were made 20 years ago).

I have actually felt like this before earlier in life but each time I found something new to distract me. Some new "adventure". This time, I'm afraid I'm adventured out and I can't think of any new things to do that would keep my attention long enough. A decade ago I really wanted to move out of Canada but nowadays, the thought of restarting all of again with no real guarantee of anything being better just some tiresome. I might have 1 more move in me maybe but I've lived in almost a dozen different cities already as "moving" was my classic move whenever I got bored before but it's always the same thing anywhere I go. The hope of things being different seems to be misplaced. Where I live now is quite good such that if I moved and where I moved to didn't prove to be better, I'd regret moving so I'd probably need some guarantees before moving so it's not a great option.

Any suggestions on what I'm supposed to be doing? It seems like most people I talk to are caught up with their significant other and kids enough to keep them busy or they're still chasing some sort of ambition in their life they feel will improve their life. Neither are options for me so what does everyone else do? I try to play a video game and I get bored of it in like 5 minutes.
 
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CaptainTrouble said:
I think I've officially hit my midlife crisis. I'm turning 38 this year and although I'm basically midlife, I feel instead that my life is already over. The best way I can describe it is that I finished some arcade game hitting the "Game Over" screen and now I'm just controlling my character in the credits. I've accomplished everything I've wanted to already (that is possible within reason), I have a good job and live in a good location. I've traveled the world. I've done enough things and have had enough experience for a few lifetimes over already. I'm single, no kids and I don't have any reasonable expectation of acquiring either (nor do I want to for reasons). I'm now hit with almost crippling boredom every day and I hate when it gets too late such that I have to go to bed because then I know I have to do it all over again, which seems as if it's not doing anything for me. I do lots of things too but nothing I do excites me anymore. Everything I do just feels like I'm going through the motions to do it for the sake of doing it. I honestly don't even care about politics much anymore because it's too late. I could have benefited from changes 20 years ago but now, even if the ideal society was made tomorrow, I doubt my life would be much different anymore (though it might have been if changes were made 20 years ago).

I have actually felt like this before earlier in life but each time I found something new to distract me. Some new "adventure". This time, I'm afraid I'm adventured out and I can't think of any new things to do that would keep my attention long enough. A decade ago I really wanted to move out of Canada but nowadays, the thought of restarting all of again with no real guarantee of anything being better just some tiresome. I might have 1 more move in me maybe but I've lived in almost a dozen different cities already as "moving" was my classic move whenever I got bored before but it's always the same thing anywhere I go. The hope of things being different seems to be misplaced. Where I live now is quite good such that if I moved and where I moved to didn't prove to be better, I'd regret moving so I'd probably need some guarantees before moving so it's not a great option.

Any suggestions on what I'm supposed to be doing? It seems like most people I talk to are caught up with their significant other and kids enough to keep them busy or they're still chasing some sort of ambition in their life they feel will improve their life. Neither are options for me so what does everyone else do? I try to play a video game and I get bored of it in like 5 minutes.
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CaptainTroubleUnless your nuts don't work, you should've had kids. Have a kid and you won't be bored anymore.
 
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I've cummed inside a lot of women but none them wanted kids. I don't exactly get to choose that. I'm definitely open to kids (still am) but I've never met a woman I wanted to have kids with who also wanted kids. I did have one woman kinda recently offer to have my kid but she's got 4 kids with different guys already. Not exactly what I want to sign up for. The last woman I was with I wanted to have a kid with her but she was dead set against it.

I have to proceed on the presumption that kids and relationships are out of the picture for me.
 
You have reached game over. Ordinarily marriage and parenthood are what "comes next" barring that have you considered some form of mentorship? Perhaps becoming a big brother? Just because you don't have kids of your own doesn't necessarily bar you from being a positive influence on one.

Something thing like that being out of the question would leave me to tell you to pick a new hobby of some kind. Martial arts, playing guitar, whatever the fuck you want and become a master of it.
 
The idea that having kids is the ultimate purpose for everyone is BS. For some its a must for other not that is perfectly valid. Kids should never be treated as a checkbox. If you want a kid, it should only be with the right person and in the right situation. Anything less is unfair to everyone involved.
 
I have kids (though they're grown-up) and I still feel that malaise at times. Having a family gives you more to occupy yourself with, but as much as you love them they are separate people and you can't count on them to give you constant emotional validation
 
Things to still do:
  • go to Church (preferably a Catholic Church)
  • find a girlfriend
  • get married
  • have kids

I am only a few years older than you and just had another kid with my wife. Is it tiring having a toddler at my age, having another older kid, working full-time? Yes. Is it worth it to have another? Absolutely.

I like you, in my 20s did the same based on what you mention in your post and comments in this thread.

It was a hollow life until I found my now wife, returned to my faith and had a family. I thought it was a great life while living it (travel, lots of money, lots of women) but it was a hollow experience and while I don't regret it, as it helped form me who I am today and without it I wouldn't have met my wife and changed my life.

If you are really adamant against a wife and kids, then you should do something for your community and those in need of help. Volunteering for an organization to give back to the community, do something like a big brother or big sister program, go to Church and get involved.

I hope you find what you need to fulfill your life and all the best.
 
I don't really like Christianity nor do I like Christian women much. I did actually try out a Catholic Church a few years ago and was really disappointed/insulted. The priest was an Indian immigrant and as part of his speech he told everyone to pray for the government to bring world peace. Not pray to God to bring world peace but pray for the government to bring it about. What an absolute joke.

I'm divorced. I married the wrong woman because I didn't understand anything about myself and women when we first met. I was trying to make something work that right off the hop should have been obvious that it wasn't going to work. I also was a liberal in my younger years. I even actively campaigned against the conservatives when I was in university. That contributed to my mistakes when it comes to relationships. That was pretty much my entire 20s (one woman). It's my 30s where I've been living like my twenties but it has been out of necessity not desire. I've always been very monogamous and never wanted to sleep around with tons of different women. I only wanted the one but couldn't find her so I ended up living a promiscuous lifestyle in my search for 1 woman not because I wanted this promiscuous lifestyle. I knew it was hallow from the beginning and didn't need to learn that. I learned that when I was 18yos and went out 5 days a week to bars for drink specials but even though I learned that lesson at 18yo and didn't want to pursue a hallow lifestyle, if the 18yo women hadn't learned that lesson yet and continued wanting their promiscuous fun, I ultimately wouldn't be able to convince them otherwise.

I'm involved with the community already in many ways. It's as boring and unfulfilling as any other activity to me.
 
Attending Catholic churches can be a depressing experience if you're politically sensible and didn't grow up in the faith. I've had the same experience of immigrant priests who didn't "grok" with the local culture (or were completely unintelligible during sermons) and white priests telling us to pray for "refugees" and "the redistribution of wealth", etc. At this point the Church is behaving like an enemy of Western civilization, and even its aesthetic glories have been largely abandoned since Vatican II. But I have Catholic friends and family members so I try to remain respectful, if only at a distance
 
Workout search yourself for purpose, and if you’re bored then quit your job and become uncomfortable with life, and then you will find purpose.

You’re bored because you are not challenging yourself to grow. Its really that simple.
 
The impression I get from your posts in this thread is you don't know yourself or what you want. You mentioned you're divorced, have swung between liberal and conservative, want "the one" but are promiscuous, and in another sentence that you don't want a wife or kids, and so on. Not that we can't change our minds as we mature, but the pattern seems to be that you clearly don't know what you want or (deeply) know yourself.

I don't mean this in a snide or mean way, but I'd seriously look at finding a good therapist. Friends and family have too many biases, history, and pre-existing relationships with you, and you need a solid neutral third party that will push you and call you out on your bullshit when needed. You come across as rudderless and restless, waiting for some wind or divine sign or something to take you to your destination ... except you don't know what or where that destination is. You'll be waiting a long a time and maybe that's why you're so bored.

Best of luck.


PS: Ignore all the cookie cutter but well meaning advice of hitting the gym or going to church or knocking up some random whore, etc.. Unless you're 100% sure that that's what you want (minus knocking up the aforementioned whore, don't do that), whatever you're searching for isn't going to come from some off the cuff comment on some forum, and you'll just keep spinning your wheels.
 
Thanks. I think your advice seems the most on point...

I feel like I do know myself and what I want but I feel like I can't get it so I'm forced to adapt to what I can get that isn't necessarily truly what I want. That has always been the way for me. I do this for everything. It's not from a lack of trying either. I spent 7 years trying to get the job I wanted for example. I probably had a coffee with someone in the industry once a week for a couple years straight almost. I used every resource I had and tried everything. I came close to. I got to second round interviews twice down to the last 2 candidates but I got passed over both times. As time when on and I began to age, I stopped getting interviews and opportunities. I even had hiring managers tell me straight up I was too old to into the line of work I wanted to get into so I ended up doing what I could instead rather than want I truly wanted.

I did this exact same thing with my ex-wife. I spend most of my time when I was 18-19 chasing women I wanted but got no where. My ex-wife fell into my lap and she wasn't really what I wanted but after 2 years of struggling to get what I wanted in this realm, I figured it wasn't going anywhere so I'd just take what came my way and work with it. This was a big mistake in hindsight because unlike with a job, if the person you're with isn't truly the fancy of your desire, it'll lead to eventual issues (imo). Since then, I've only pursued women I was interested in not women who were easy. For 10 years I've got no where in this regard but I have had a good handful of easy women I don't have any interest in who've thrown themselves at me but I don't want to make that mistake again.

My lifestyle right now is what I want more or less but the lack of companion really does throw a wrench into it. Growing up, I always loved multiplayer games rather than single-player because to me the joy of the game was the bonding with friends while playing not the actual game itself. I'm very much like this in all aspects of life. When I watch a movie, go to a play, go to a concert, etc..., it's not so much for my own enjoyment as it is for the bonding over the shared experience. Last year I was seeing a girl who was big into Disney and she wanted to go to Disneyland so we did. I'd never have gone to Disneyland by myself and if I did, I doubt I'd have enjoyed it but with her it was fun. I find that's the same for a lot of entertainment. I've never been the kind of guy to have some solitary hobby. Every hobby I've enjoyed has been social at its core.

Thinking about it now after writing all that, I think the issue is that I feel I've kind of maxed out on socializing. I still spend a lot of time with people but no one offers anything that interesting. I noticed when I was younger, people would ask other people their thoughts on certain topics a lot more which would lead to interesting conversation. Now, I rarely get asked my thoughts on anything, even among friends. Everyone seems to have already decided for themselves. Or, there's just no problem to work through or subject to comment one's thoughts on. No one really has anything to truly add through conversation much and I think that's a bit of a drag for me. Part of that problem is my breadth of knowledge myself such that certain topics don't interest me because I've heard them enough already, etc...
 
I don't really like Christianity
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I really dislike church. I also get your point about 'christian women' (many of them are just virtue signaling)

my advice is to stop 'trying' and instead ask God for guidance - If you haven't read the Bible, maybe just read Matthew, Mark, Luke and John and read about Jesus.

'Christianity' is just a human invention - in reality all that exists is you and Him - and i truly believe He wants you to find Him.

I am not a good Christian - I am a sinner, but I do believe Jesus will help you find contentment in life. Maybe consider praying to Him for wisdom on where to take your life next.

You don't need a church or a priest/minister/pastor or any of that nonsense. All you need is scripture.

We all struggle with feelings of hopelessness and despair. Even the ones with wives and kids (many of whom take their children for granted and despite all of the gifts given to them, they wallow in self-pity)

I like to remind myself that I am still living in relatively 'good times' compared to all of human history.
 
You need a... MOTORCYCLE !
 
Naw a mullet and a corvette
 
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38 and you are mid already wait till 45. Perhaps i have said to much

I will see myself out. But before i go just know it does get better.

Hell i took up bird watching and feeding the birds and life is great. I even somehow attracted this weird red bird to my yard who sings for me his bird tunes. Try and one up that!
 
I'm at that magic 45 I don't get the midlife crisis shit. Could things be better yeah they always could be better but they also could be worse.

People need to be thankful for what they have not ungrateful for what they don't.

I mean I get it I'm doing pretty good for myself I'm 45 I have no debt I have money in the bank and I own my home but at the same time I also could be 45 broke living paycheck to paycheck that would suck but what if you had a really shitty woman and treated you like crap even worse.
 
Meh everyone is different. Some people mature faster some slower. I cant see myself having a midlife crisis but maybe. I know many millionaires that as soon as they hit 45 all started crying like children that their lives were over. I started laughin at them all cause it was ridiculous to me. When i say laugh at them i mean like in their face laugh. They are all divorced now and have young eye candy with em all the time. They left their kids and wife for a better life. One of em is so in to high end escorts he flies em to him and flies to them. I guess??? Seems wrong but what is wrong anymore or right?? I personally disagree with their choices but eh what do.

Life is like a box of chocolates ..... Heh
 
You need small goals. I won’t lie, I don’t have kids, and at 45 it’s not happening now, so I don’t really care. People will say, “But what do you do when you’re old?” Man, I’m not having a kid to take care of my old ass. That is greedy as fuck if you ask me. Once I’m a damn burden and I can’t take care of myself, give me a shotgun and I’ll take care of it myself.


I find small goals help, even if it’s a small one like cleaning your house or working toward something. For the last two years, for me, it was trying to pay off my home. I did it last month, so it’s a great feeling. Next is maybe moving to the U.S. Then, because of the shitty exchange rate, I’ll be paying off a house again, ha. After that, invest to where I can retire and do whatever the fuck I want. I still enjoy life, even if that means doing jack shit and just chilling.


I can sit here and say I wish this or that, but it’s not going to happen, so why worry about it? I’m grateful for what I have and can be happy with that. Well, I hate working and driving a goddamn hour to work each way and having to come into shitty downtown Calgary, but whatever. It could be worse. I could have a shitty boss and have to work my ass off, but my job is pretty chill. I’m at work now writing this and surfing the net.


Yes, it can always be better, but it can be a lot goddamn worse. I know a guy who has mental health issues. He’s a good dude, had a rough life, and as soon as he can get maid for his mental health issues, he’s going for it. So yeah, it can be worse.
 
First thing that comes to mind is volunteering. Find some white Canadians in your area who need help. Maybe look for youth sports coaching opportunities.

Helping others might help you feel like you have purpose again.
 
This is a big thing. I think the main issue we have with people today is a lack of meaning in their lives. This is why people turn into leftist retards. They want meaning and will find it in bad places, as we don’t promote God and family anymore. You don’t even have to be a churchgoing person, but we need more Religion back in society badly. We need to rebuild our communities.
 
I think this kind of malaise is very common in our society but is regarded as something shameful by those who, for reasons of temperament or circumstance, either don't experience it or do experience it and try to suppress it as much as possible through force of will. The book of Ecclesiastes in the Bible describes the same kind of phenomenon of a middle-aged guy who has tried everything to make himself happy but hasn't succeeded in curing his depression, and most of us are at least familiar with the gloomy "night thoughts" that afflict us when we aren't otherwise distracted: concerns about our mortality, the health of our loved ones, the decline of society etc.

As you get older you do get a general sensation of "been there, done that" about things (for example, it's very rare for me now to watch a movie that I find truly original or exciting, though there are still many that are at least mildly entertaining), your material pleasures start to fade in intensity, and cynical disillusionment sets in when you see your ideals being repeatedly betrayed by others (as during the Covid hysteria). That said, it is a kind of liberation when you stop wanting things as much and it leaves you more time to focus on quiet contentment and contemplation -- a lot of older people seek solace in natural beauty, for instance, like the birds on the backyard feeder -- and even if it's harder to become enthusiastic about life, it's also harder to become angry or upset about it. Ultimately existence is a bit of a cheat in that we feel we're promised more than we can possibly attain, but there is solace in feeling that all human beings are in the same boat and that you can relate to them and even love them as fellow travellers on this strange, strange journey
 
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